Friday, July 15, 2011

Selfish mommy

Thanks to the encouraging comments on my last post about the "OK to Wake" clock, I've decided to stick to my guns and enforce the "stay in your room till the clock turns green" rule, even if it means that some days may start off with a few tears (hopefully just from Annika) until we get through this phase.

At first I was having some trouble with this decision, because it seems so selfish.  Annika needs to stay in her room because I want a little more time to myself.  She's upset because I want a few more minutes before I need to kick it into high gear.  It's really all about me.  But you know what?  Sometimes it is about me.  Sometimes I need to be selfish to be a better mommy.  I think mothers often put their kids (and husbands too) ahead of themselves so much that they end up feeling burnt out and resentful.  We're so busy taking care of everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves.  We lose a lot of those little things that make us feel like a person, not just a mommy.  Or maybe it's just me that feels that way, but I'm guessing that there are others out there that can relate.  As I've said before, I'm the type of person who definitely needs time alone to "recharge."  So, yes, maybe I'm being selfish for making Annika stay in her room, but if I'm happier and more patient and able to be a better mother because I have a few moments to myself in the morning, then I think it's worth it. 

So I'll admit it - sometimes I'm a selfish mommy.  Sometimes I don't want to eat the left-over crusts; sometimes I want to go to the bathroom with the door closed; sometimes I don't want to share my last M&M.  But if being a little selfish sometimes makes me a better mother the rest of the times, then I think it's okay.  At least sometimes. :)


Kristin said...

Hey, guess what?! You are not the only selfish mommy! I also don't like to share my chocolate ;)

I recently had an entire weekend to myself and it took almost a full day to get over my guilty feelings! Why?! Hubs goes away for fishing weekends and that's OK, right? Take your time when you can get it, I say.

Lil said...

I support you totally, Pam! Although I've never been an at-home mom with little ones, I have had opportunity to look after my granddaughters. I have a (very) little idea as what moms go through every day. To be a better mom AND wife, you need to take time to look after yourself. You know what works best for you. Moms have a huge responsibility 24 hours a day. To carve out some 'me' time in there is what will keep you sane. We need sane parents who will love and care for their children. A little "me" time can preserve you for a long time! Be blessed, and enjoy 'your' time.

Gin said...

How can you be a healthy Mom and spouse if you don't take care of yourself? It think it's one of the basics. I strongly encourage you to find your "me" time. You're a great Mom for thinking about taking care of yourself so that you're at your best!!

I read your post to Wes. He thinks you're smart!

Lisa said...

My mom needed to do this with my older brother when we were small. I say, know thyself. If you are a better mom when you can recharge, you need to weigh that benefit against how difficult it is for you children to follow this particular rule. There has to be balance. Don't confuse self care with selfishness.